To You, Familiar Demon

It’s a brisk morning today, the air is cold with a taste of melancholy, I miss something, something that is still here. Death, why do you come around so gingerly.

Oh heavens, something’s staring at me, something that breathes down my neck with a stench of familiarity.

I don’t need to speak your name, you’ll just keep picking at my wounds with your sharp talons, this is the extent of your power. Infect my surroundings with dreadful mortality, this is all you can do.

You know my body well don’t you, you’ve laid in the deepest portions of my pain, you’ve swam across my tears with a joyful expression, laughing with every plea I would throw your way, always the same response from your hollow tongue.

“Me and you are joined, i’ll never leave you.”

Yes I remember, those haunting words.

You come and go as you please from my life, invade my body and use me for your pleasure, clapping with laughter as you torment me so softly yet so painfully, until I revolt against myself and everything I know, until I hated everything I was.

You’re flexing all your muscles, you beat me with your bare hands with no mercy, you spill my screams in this empty room, no one will save me, no one wants to. You walk with the spoils of our barbaric war around your neck, you’ve won, throw the confetti in the air and declare the monster the champion, king of the broken.

It’s easy this way, to push me around the way you’ve pushed everyone else that’s fallen in your grave of carcasses. Pestering this wall of my resisentce until I crack It and It wallows in agony.

You’ve pushed me from the balcony many times , I wanted to listen to you, I wanted to die. My reflection jumped but it never hit the ground, pity for you I suppose I survived.

Broken as I am, in the senseless scribbles of my mind, I have a message for you.

A declaration that I’ll shout from the gallows of this prison you’ve placed around me since I was 15.

I’ll live this life with passion unlike your wishes, I’ll keep sprinting across these muddy waters, even I’ll get cut-up by the sharp rain that hits my skin, my blood wil flow as red paint in the terrain, I’ll be in pain but I don’t care one bit.

Because I’d rather die then not risk for what I want.

Nothing in life will rip me away, I’ll never die again like those times you pursueded me. I’ll never bend my head and shake under the weight of your judgment, so give it your best shot you hideous nihilsm, I won’t be the one that slips off the joyride, I still have more to give.

Fuck you

You’ve ruined everything I have ever had, everything I never dared to have but you won’t tarnish this destiny any longer, I’ll live inspite of you, there is something I must live for now.

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